loyalty…

has many angles/aspects depending on many factors and can therefore sometimes be interpreted wrong and also misunderstood! There are or is some loyalities that are more strong and almost impossible to retract! The loyalty that you have within your own family. Even though many times this loyalty can be very strained and going through difficult times with a lot of tension, hard words, often there is still a sense of/kind of loyalty that counts in the end. The loyalty that you have towards your children is unquestionable and maybe the strongest loyalty whereas  children not all the time feel the same kind of loyalty towards the parents, not when they are growing up at least! The loyalty between friends can also be strong but there are certain degrees of loyalty in friendship that can change very rapidly. In loyalty between friends you expect it to be on equal terms, like you expect the same back as you give and vice versa. If this balance is disturbed by something, the quality of the loyalty can be affected and if it happens often it should affect the loyalty. Friendship loyalty is not a one way street but very much a two way street!

I have had kind of a crisis in my own life now where I thought that old friendship meant unquestionable loyalty. This is anyway my way of looking at it and I have lived strongly by this value! But lately I have experienced that maybe there was an imbalance and the interest of me and loyalty towards me, I had misjudged it and saw it in one specific situation that kind of opened my eyes and made me very sad and disappointed. And also a little angry. So this is where I have revalued or evaluted my loyalty and lets say on a scale from 1 to 10 where 10 is good and 1 is bad, so have this loyalty dropped from a clear 9 to a 4! I dont look for their approval and dont feel so happy now when I meet them. I dont look for meetings any more and other things. It make me sad, because I looked for this loyalty. I feel that loyalty is a kind of love and is included in love. I am strong social person that value loyalty more than money and material things. You cannot compare these two things.

So you can maybe say that I have or had high expectations of myself and thought of myself as something special! Yes maybe you are right, but I also felt that the loyalty I gave did not come back! So I apologise for having to high expectiations of these friends. But this does not mean we are enemies, far from!! But my feelings are not just the same anymore. It can be repaired but it can be difficult.

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