melancholy…

or is it sadness….what is it that causes/induces this feeling? It comes to me like a mist, like a shadow that narrows, that can become very intense like a sunset with many colours! It is not depression or sorrow like after a loved one has died.  Melacholy in the right portion is a beautiful feeling that helps me keep the right perspective and view on life. I need it for reflection, thoughtfulness/mindfulness to give me a meaning and a reason in all of this confusion. Mostly the confusion that is in my own head. To collect my thoughts and find a reason, a meaning and conclusion to them all! The older I get and the more I learn it just shows me over and over again that for every thing I learn 100 new things open yet to be learned or experienced. Sometimes I feel that learning/knowing can be painful! Because I feel smaller for each knowledge I aquire, realising I really dont know very much. Like the story about the little boy playing on the beach with his bucket and shovel. He scooped the ocean water into the bucket and with joy he ran to his mother and exclaimed with excitement ”Look mummy, I have fit the ocean in my bucket!” This is sometimes how I feel when I learn a new thing but also with one eye on reality, what is still left to learn!