Sometimes I feel that somehow moods are disconnected and superior to feelings! The mood I am in affect my feelings, the way I feel! If my mood is melancholy it kind of directs the way my feelings are. The mood is the sub current that you cannot see but rules my feelings on the surface. Feelings are just the symptom not the actual cause. The mood is so much deeper and more difficult to define.
In this moment my mood is very melancholy which affects my feelings either to be negative or positive, because for me melancholy sometimes give me good feelings but like now it is more depressive and black. This is because of some circumstanses in my life now.
The mood you are in is something that just come like the weather, seasons etc. I just have to accept it and do the best out of it. Surprisingly we are more subject and ruled by our moods, more than we think. A lot of times our moods scares us and causes deep depressions, psychosis and other psychological sicknesses, which often become life long. Psychic illness are almost impossible to cure, you just have to learn to live with it.
…so tired of it All! Not in a negative way but plain tired. What is the use of waking Up? Going through the motions, put your life on repetative and just go through the motions!
Sometimes I am not so sure about how excited I am about the journey anymore. Maybe I just want to get to the destination. I know there are much to live for and I know that there is more to live for than to die for, but this does not stop me from sometimes feeling and thinking that it would be ok to get off and say that the journey was good, very good actually but reaching/arriving at the destination having had such a wonderful journey is also a big satisfaction. Life has been very good to me, an absolutely fantastic, magic journey that I would not trade with anyone!
And now my life has suddenly taken a turn that make me think even more if it is worth it! When you actually think that what you did was good but in the eyes of others and especially one person was utterly and without mercy condemned and because of this thing everything else also was thrown out! And I was condemned also by people I thought I knew and I also thought knew me! It is interesting how fickle the mind and psychic is! Anyway my conclusion is! It is again time to move on!
And this is what sometimes wear me out! The process! To be thrown out in the water and SWIM! Or drown/give Up! But l guess that I will swim because I dont like to drown!