noninteresting, bland, tedious…

…this is how i feel in general right now…where or what is the goal? somehow it feels like there is ”no direction home”, ”still havent found what I am looking for!”

At nearly 70 years of age I have never or at least a long time ago not felt life so non interesting, bland….like a meaningless path that is without goal. Yes I say often that the meaning is the travel and not the goal…but right now I feel that I am between 2 stations and I dont know when the other station is coming so I can get some rest.

ingriedients…

in Life? What ingrediens is the most important in your Life?

What quality do you Think is the most important to describe your identity?

Identity is a mixture of ingriedients mixed in the blender of Life! We all have something that distinguish YOU, I, ME etc…..

But there is Always a main spice….Sad to say we are very far away from this main ingriedient…LOVE…not love for things, Money, wealth, Power…etc. In the World today there is much love…the love for greed!

Under Construction…

…this is what my Life is…under constant Construction.

You know what they say about Construction sights and put up warning signs….Please keep out…do not enter! …or enter on your own risk!

Well this should be a sign you should Think about when entering Another persons territory/personlity. Because how do you know that person? How can you say that this person I can trust or that person I cannot trust?? Why can anyone make these statements/judgements?

Because they trust in their own Construction/identity/experience/education/judgement…etc! So people tend to Believe that their own identity..etc is flawless!!

Seven…..7….

.. virtues. contra deadly sins!

gluttony

fornication, lust

greed

envy

Wrath

sloth, laziness

envy

pride

virtues!

chastisity

temperance

charity

diligence

patience

kindness

humility

These above mentioned either a virtue or a deadly sin….are truths that have been with man since the dawn of man…but how does evolution explain this? How come they are so true today like they were 1000 of years ago! We have not come so far…so where is the evolution?

I have not seen a more destructive/deloution world as we have today! When you anylyse each word above…what do you get/understand?

all or nothing..

these words have somehow followed me in life…for bad or good! it is acutally a song from the 60s by the small faces….

the first time i heard was when i just had a breakup (she brooke up) with my my first great love….my God this was a terryfying experience! more to come…

anyway i choose this title in reference to the big and I mean BIG changes in my life.

Some of these changes I have made myself by choice…but there are some that definetly was not by choice….but both are as the title say All or Nothing…Black or White.

Strangely now these days I am known as a ”neutral” very easy person to get along with…but I have principales…for good and bad!

Let say my greyzone has widened and taught me that life is full of compromises but there comes a time when compromise comes to an end where it comes into an area that defines you who you are…and then the game changes. I have some basic fundamental thoughts, beliefs, that I am willing to stand up for.

more to ellaborate..

my nerves..

..are right now in the schambles…fire…burning like hell! Why does nearly always love send you either to heaven or hell? So it is now! There are several ingriedients when it comes to Love and that is trust, honesty, fidelty etc…otherwise bad feelings like jealousy, suspicion etc can take over.

All of these feelings come in certain measure depending on the person and the situation that have caused what ever has happened. Also the degree as to what has happened.

All of these feelings are expressed very diffently. Some people (often men sadly) have a jealousy that borders to sick actions, often verbal but also physical. I am definetly not that kind of person though I can feel strongly my jealousy sometimes, but never go over the line to violence. I express my jealousy and try to put words to it because mostly what triggers this feeling is because the person that I am in love with does something that ”wake” up my jealousy. And it is not a nice feeling, because it occupies your mind, body and soul and of course TIME! It is hard to concentrate on anything else as well. It is phychological but still it affects your body as well. Your muscles, your actions, planning etc… It can take over totally!!

Just to change the subject and give some thought to something else. Very little in todays education are given to the thoughts and understanding of feelings and how they affect us and so many descions we make are often based on the way we feel and not what we actually know. That is why some people (including myself) make irrational decisions not based on logic, facts, knowledge. I have made quite a few seemingly irrational decisions in my life. Anyway this is what it looked like to any outsider.