The candles went out….

…as we listened to the blonde on blonde….like we were in a church in a place of worship…the room was dark…the smoke was thick…the spirits were high…we played it over and over…like a mantra…that we wished never ended…did it?

I dont think so…because I am still there…when the oxygen was so low that the candles went out….we breathed another air…another life came that never left…still is here….like a story that still is being written…the book is not closed….yet!


…when I think about latinamerica (and in some ways northamerica) and centralamerica…they are still colonised by original spanish population. The so called liberation with Simon Bolivar as the great liberator. In my world ”liberation from what?”. Because when Simon Bolivar made his revolution against the spanish he forgot one thing. He did not throw out the colonisator…the ethnic spanish population.

In Africa when the colonisation ceased the power was returned to the original population for good and for bad. But that is what happened. There were some examples in Africa that took some time before it happened like South africa and Zimbabwe(former Rhodesia) and maybe a few more but it happened anyway. That is another story!

Anyway in every country in South America and Central America it is still the colonizer that is in power, both economically and political and in some ways cultural. I have Colombia as an example…the discrimination in this country is so extreme and it was in this country the ”revoution” with Simon Bolivar started. As a curiosa it was in this part of SouthAmerica that the first colonial city was founded, Santa Marta, by Rodrigo de Bastidas. So the colonisation and the looting of South America had begun…

The original population that consisted of many different people, cultures, languages etc. But what many had and a lot of…was gold and other precious minerals. The gold became the cause of one of the most terrible genocide and looting in the world history.

the 4 elements..are they 5….

i have meditated about the 4 elements, will return to the 5th later, and their different status.

3 of them are self excisting..but one, fire, does not come so naturally like the other 3, earth, wind, water, are so to say selfexcisting wheras fire has a need of at least one of the other element, fire. in some ways fire also need earth for a place to excist,,,and funny enough,,,fire has a mortal eneymy, water!

So I make my thesis…how fire became and is considered among the elements being so elusive and not so to say selfexcisting! I will try to delve into this when time gives me room…and strenght. I am just merely planting an idea here so I have something to come back to later and develope.

the 5th element…philophers stone…that can turn led into gold!! in my world it is how you turn an idea into (not gold) reality…

and more more….


..i promise that one day I will sit down and listen to a devoted supporter of this man to try to understand how one can understand and support this man….i will listen to my ears bleed…my eyes are voice is numb and maybe my heart stop..and my mind explode…and I die…

because I cant in my wildest fantasy/imagination see him as the worlds saviour….if you look at movies when mussolini made speeches..

notice the body language and the facial epressions!

the trump supporter that does not see the resemblance…i dont know..

a psychopat…always a psychopat!


…can be of many kind…I think that I have written about this before but I just thought about it today and maybe why I am the way I am..

so friends….

close friends are right now very few if any in my life right now..because of the way I define a close friend…it is a person that I can rely on and say what is on my heart…ventilate my thoughts…feelings…ideas…problems… yes everything without thinking it would fire back at me (like non close friend did)….the worst kind of hurt …close to betrayal..

some of my close friends have become friends..and how do you go from close friend to just friend..well it is easy… heartful conversations…just coffee talk…a brief meeting..and no more. When i ask for more..they are tired or dont have time….so i distance myself…dont want to bother or be in the way…and so they go from close friends to just friend…this is ok also..because we are not enemies. But still it is a separation.

I always seem to ask for more and sometimes too much maybe…but i also ask much of myself…I try to look forward to new things…and not look at only the old things to find new things…but new horizons…

i will be buried at the horizon and not in a past memory…

lord knows how i became this kind of person…because i dont know…still trying to figure it out! peace of mind…is my hope and belief…but how, when and where?

and friends…keep contact…especially close friends…even when you dont feel like it…i tried…but i guess i was tooo much…

i have become the ”friend” that when people see my coming down the street they turn right or left to not meet me…i have become a paraia!

greed, my personality…7 deadly sins…

..a strange title..and it does not make sense…but when you decide to write about certain subjects that come to mind…you have to write…

greed…this is what is destroying the todays society…greed is everywhere in society today..not only in the corrupt criminal world ..but also in the established recognised world. In the corrupt world,,,is it so easy to discover??(I have many things to say about how ”good” the corrupt world is!!) But what irritate me more is how the ”white” visible world is as corrupt! It is not so easy to say in few words, but when a highpaid official get demoted with sustained wage and a new job….because of a job not well done?? So then the law is condoning in proper behaviour..or?? so in the common language this is ”legal” corruption? Or how do you explain it? This is GREED because it cant be explained any other way.

My personality…I realised what a person I am when I saw myself in another person…Then I saw the awful thruth about some of my own behaviour. In the interaction with people/friends it is so easy to become too much. And I have come to understand that in some situations with friends I am toooo much. It does not have to be in big things. What made me come to this realisation is when a friend that I have now is tooooo much..he knows everything…can everything…has the answer..etc.. not in a bad way or being aware of it…but just tooo much. And I come to same conclusion….I AM TOOOO MUCH…i will try to be aware of it….

The 7 deadly sins….something I am working on…and it is as real as the 7 virtues!

I am moving into…

..the death zone! I am by age in this zone now. It is so to say a dead end street(zone)!

Life has its cycles,,,birth zone….teenagezone…middleage zone….coming of age zone….retirement zone and now where I am, the dead zone. Maybe the most interesting!

In this zone there is nothing after to live for, so to say. Now I have to summarise my life…contemplate…can there be more that I can do. I dont mean that I am sitting with my arms crossed and waiting for death to come.

But now I know these days are the beginning of the last days….where the end is a total termination. So what will I do with these last days of my life?

With on word…LIVE! of course.

I hope to live the last days of my life…health of course…living the last days in illness, dementia is nothing I wish anybody. So far it is looking good…I am 69 and this year turning 70. And I feel that coming to be 70 and being as healthy as I am is a priviledge.

Priviledge is a powerful word to use and I feel that for me it is real. I can still move and do things without any assistance..taking care of everything in my daily life. Even working to keep a good financial level. Yes I am priviledged and am looking forward to do new things and planning to do some changes the next coming years. Living in the dead zone can be more alive than any other zone.

Appreciate something you do in the dead zone…more than any other zone.

One of the important subjects that you can only do in the dead zone and that is to make peace with yourself…life can give you one more last chance to make things right and most of all make peace with yourself.

To die with peace in once heart…must be the riches everyone wants to achieve.

when you live in the ”death zone” this is what goes through your mind…and …soul….and …spirit….and heart! What else are there to think about, that is of more importance/value?


..has the answer to so much that happens in the world today. When it comes to politics and world population awareness/conscience we are close to the so called dark ages….the polarisation of the world today with all the conspiration theories…and alternative facts…the fake news….it is like we are thrown out into a chaos world with so many forces manipulating us. We also have many weakening democracies even in Europe…the base and foundation for democracies…and then we have countries that are going from bad to worse…China are expanding their territories…Brazil with Bolzanero, what will he do…Phillipines…and many african countries….thailand…colombia…myanmar…the polarisation in india…pakistan…iran…Afghanistan..saudiarabia…uae…syria…turkey…and more….

Dont tell me we live in an enlightened, full of knowledge, common sense world! on the contrary..with all this knowledge we are as far from the truth and common sense as humanity were in the middle ages. We as humans have not come very far…on the contrary…we have become fools.

professing themselfes to be wise they became fools. we have so many experts today competing for wisdom but by this they become fools!

another very sensitive subject is nature and our environment…can we do something about it?? I dont think so..why? because this is the age of extinction…and this has happened many times throughout the ages! old species have gone and new one has come. Can you see yourself as an enviroromentialist during the age when the dinosour died out or the mammouth…or whatever! or the different walks of mans development…evovling!! Are we better now? more evolved? I dont think so!

Regardless of what age or century we are born into…we still posses the same human characteristics…mainly the pshycic/psykology personality. My tese is that we have not evolved very far from this…and this is why history repeats itself…and goes in circles..

It is so interesting to hear all the different experts promoting their own doctrines/ideas…one saying so and the other this…can you imagine the confusion during the middle ages….they were allllll experts at that time…

We should be at least…humanity 6,5? above the grade of the middle ages 1.0…..Nope…we are not +6.5…we are -6.5! Why? We should know better! so we thought!