Kategoriarkiv: personal reflections

My day to day thoughts!

CULTURAL and….

other differences like language, history, food, climate, colour of skin, sociala differences, educational possibilities and probably more. All of these (and maybe more) is what defines us and make us to be the person we become.

Actually there is one more important thing that matters a lot depending in what society, country you were born in. The prerequisites you have from birth determines a lot as to what or who you become. This is your personality which then grows up with the above mentioned conditions, culture, history, language etc. Lets say you have some basics but there are possibilities for alterations, that diviate from the obvious, predestined. How you counteract your predestined life?

I have read a book about a investigation that concerns 2 kind of people. The basic idea of this investigation /survey is that most people stay in the town /neighbourhood where they grew up. They really dont come so much further. There are different aspects as how to relate to this investigation/survey/research. The author himself is a critic of thoose that never move away or at least for some part of their lifes are away from this comfortzone/place of birth. He (and this is my idea as well) is that there are 2 things that move you out and away from this comfortzone. He emphasises education as one of them. Why? Because almost as a consequense of higher education moves you away from home and out into the world thus exposing yourself to other cultures etc. This does not mean you have to move to another country, it is enough you change city or live/settle in another part of your country.

The point is that is, in my opinion, that people that never move away from their place of birth dont get very much out of life. But you dont have to have a higher education, you can just move into the unknown world. Become a citizen of the world and thus exposing yourself to other cultures and as a consequense be affected and become a different person. This is a fact.

Of course I understand and recognice that there are people that are born in places that absolutely dont allow them this freedom or opportunity to be able to move. Many are born into very closed and strong cultures thus making it impossible to move. I can only symphatise with these people and especially women that are born predestined to a life ruled by strong cultural rules.

Then there are people born with disabilities like cp defects or people with down syndrome and the likes, born so to say dysfunctional. I have worked many years with this group and have learned a lot. They are depending on people like me to be able to get experiences outside of their place of birth. In my experience of working in different positions I must say that working with this group has been most rewarding. They are natural, loving, spontaneus and more.

My God, if it continues like this I will never get to the point of why I started this. Actually I just wanted to try and explain why I make certain choices in life. It is not easy to just say it in one sentence because then it will be open for a lot of misunderstanding, misconceptions, misinterpretation etc. To my knowledge and experience people will still find that straw that they dont agree with and critisize. My point really is not to convince anyone to choose what I choose, God forbid. I am just trying to explain how I make choices sometimes big (which takes more time) and sometimes small (everyday choices) that does not require too much effort. It is in some cases easy to overanalyse choices and as a consequense never become a Choice!

When DOES a friend BECOME A friend…

I have thought about this lately in my life, especially since I moved to this new place/village. I have lived here for almost 6 months now. It was a big change in my life leaving the known, including friends of old. People that I know/knew since I was 5-6 years old.

This new place is a new start in many ways. Getting adjusted to a completly new environement and routines. Including finding new friends. A new social context, with all what it means. Just to get around and where is my place. Not that I am so concerned to find my place or fit in. This is one of the reasons why I moved. I dont want to fit in/or having a difficulty to conform —in a way. When you live long enough in one place you somehow slowly fit in/conform. Like a slow working poison that get into your system without you even noticing it.

It is like when you get used to a certain climate whether it is cold or hot. You just learn to adjust/conform .

So what does this have to do with my my subject FRIENDS or FRIEND! I came here to my new home and not having any friend(s). I meet this person the first evening that I was here. A wonderful meeting… like 2 peas in a pod. A lot in common concerning the philosophical questions. He is a person a few years younger than me with a colourful background to say the least. This has grown through the months we have known each other. There have been arguments and differences in how we look at things and view life, but not enough to break the friendship.

My point is that friendship is not based on loose, temporary accidental meetings. Friendship is like a plant that needs both roots, trunk and branches. After this you can grow leaves, flowers, fruits etc.

But for me the most important part of the tree in friendship are the roots. Without this you cannot have a real lasting friendship. In the dark beneath the soil you find the thoose things that really is what friends are all about. So what are the roots deep down in the dark dirt. This is where your secrets, not the glamour or glory is ”buried” thoose things that has formed your personality/character.

My point is that to form a friendship you have to reveal what is below and not above(the obvious) that everybody can see. It is in learning and seeing and really knowing the other persons weaknesses (and of course vice-versa) is what forms/create a friendship.

So this new ”friend”have not demonstrated weaknesses more than the comfortable weaknesses. The point is that we are often very willing to admit some of thoose weaknesses that are close to the surface/the trunk. But thoose weaknesses/ truths buried way down there in the dark, that really exposes us…..this is not easy. Because this is what make you vulnerable.

We all have them and strangely enough thoose truths are often what defines us and it is what have shaped us given our character.

Anyway with this new friend…. There is progress!

The WIND…

sometimes when I stand on my balcony or any other place I try to catch the wind. I stand there and wait for that certain brezze that not only touches my skin and make me feel the strokes against my skin but also creepes into my nose and nostrils to arouse my senses of smell and I am like a dog trying to catch what is in that smell. Is there something that I should be aware of or is it just air. Even if it is only air/oxygen it is enough for me. What is important is to feel the wind and like nourishment breathe in the Wind.

Believe in someone…

has its advantages or/and disadvantages….why? Because there are at least two different kind of people/characters/personalities….etc to put your beliefe or trust in. This is why/where it is so difficult to draw the line! Because how do you say/how do you know Who is Who? We are allll susceptible? or easily manipultated/deceived by what is called submersive influencers. People that tend to be charisimatic/emphatic/intelligent etc.

We get so easily sucked into this. Why? There are a number of things/reasons which the perpetrator is fully aware off. These people that abuse/prey on these weaknesses are totally pshychotic and have no guilt, no emphaty, no humn values etc but only one goal to gain! And gain is only materialistic gain for themselves.

The people in this business are ruthless…inhuman…nonethical…! Totally alianted from values that you and I are used to. It is just so so so so incomprehensible! Because they have created an alternative world with other ethics, morals, emphaty….where their truths are in complete opposite of the so called normal world.

So if you do right in their world it is wrong by our standards, but in their world by their standards it is perfectly right….

How do you approach this thinking? Where do you begin??

Pain…

has so many levels…somatic, psychological or even just plain everyday life! To start with the last, we dont always have to symptomise, analyse, diagnonise every pain that comes our way. We all have some level of pain but it does not necessarily have to be so complicated.

My problem is that I have a tendency to complicate, analyse too much. Even the slightest word of ”I dont feel so good” can turn me into a freudian analyst!! My God..help me! I hope that I have learned something about myself. I jump on people and start to jump into deep waters when it is enough to dipp your feet.

Anyway my subject of recognising pain is easy for me…especially psychosomatic pain. Sometimes I am surprised how easy it is. Even after a few minutes of conversation I am hooked. I ask a few questions, listen to some answers…..ask a few more..(that is my problem…asking alllll the time). And people reveal themselfes like an open book. Most people I meet are so eager/hungry to talk…and ventilate…tell who they are, what they think…etc…

And this is where PAIN comes in…because almost if not every person I meet carries some pain…that they have a need to talk about. Something that burdens their heart/spirit. So from the perspective that I think/comtemplate pain is very subjective. It is everything in the perspective from the the person who is feeling/experiencing it. I can never say/imagine or even think to understand the other persons pain. I can feel it but that does not mean I can fully understand it.

The last point…Hmmm. My problem or sensitivity or feeling or compassion or emphaty recognition is somewhat above what is expected/normal. I make myself believe this especially after 25yeare so to say working proffesionally in social work…and before that in voluntary work (so-to-say) where humans were priority. I have learned something….I think…

Anyway this is what kind of ”plagues” me to have this sensitivity to pain and feeling other peoples pain….making it my pain…my problem etc. Sometimes it is difficult but I would not want to live without it! because what is the alternative? a cold, calcultating, psycho…..

…to be continued another day, month or year.

Doors…

I have walked through so many doors in my life and also closed many many doors… Every door is like a chapter and some doors are heavier, they are books. Because they are so HEAVY to close and have some weight to it. This means it was not that easy to close. It was not just a closet door but a front door an entry door. These doors are having another construction, different material and quality. They are supposed to keep you safe and secure. So when you have to close these doors and start to build a new one it takes time. Building and construting a new home symbollically starts with a safe and secure door. Through this door everybody has to enter and step over its treshold. You decide to open or not and here you decide who is going to enter.

So are you careful about who enters your life? Do you have a good door? And do you have a treshold to decide who gets over it and enter into your life and your home.

no more worlds to conquer….

is a sad quote from Alexander the Great when he thought that he had conquered it all! What did this really mean? Did he have a lack of vision? or was he just satisfied with what he got? did he feel frustration that even though, when he had conquered such vast territories, it still did not fill the void that he had in his soul.

Is not really this what we are trying to conquer….the void inside of ourselfes but continusually filling it with the wrong things,,,things that can never satisfy that void. We can feel that there are nothing more to conquer because we are still as empty as when we began.

And when you think about it this is maybe what Alexander the Great really meant….the void inside him was not even close to be filled because he focused on the wrong things,,,totally missed the mark. When you realise this..the emptiness just overwhelms you and you get so dissillusioned and depressed that you do like Alexander the Great…do desperate things/actions…and ultimately kill yourself.

Is there a cure? Well the cure is up to each and everyone of us because the only one that has the key to the solution is you!! You can try to run from it but it will eventually catch up with you and alllll those conquesta you have made in life will, like sand, sip their way through your fingers and ultimately your hand will be empty.

Is this your life? What have you conquered lately that will not fade away but remain!

My own reflection is that I feel that I have had a full life and I have conquered the right things so to say. I feel full and I feel that I am ready to pass on and will by every means be satisfied with the life I have lived. There are no regrets (yes a few minor) but I feel that LIFE has been good to me. So are there more things to conquer? Probably? But I am Home!

rewards….

…in my life I have many rewards and the sum of it is that I couldn´t be more rewarded, if you know what I mean. There are so much that fills my cup that like the Bible says ”my cup runneth over”! I really cannot describe it in any other way.

When a man like me, 67 going on 90, can look back and can still look forward is an amazing life. Looking back…wow and I can say of days to come WOW! Why, because if you have read anything that I have written you know that my past is not something that ordinary people have lived.

But I had another aspect, sort of reflection tonight as I sit here and write this. It is not negative or depressive but still somewhat DARK!! I could go to bed tonight…whenever I wanted to…but the real sum of life…I can or dont want to get up tomorrow…..it is kind of the dark side of me…Imagine if I could decide or choose….

TONIGHT I PASS ON……….but it is never with regrets but with my rewards in life….

Somewheres Or anywheres..

…is an interesting book that defines two kind of people. A rough but interesting generalisation.

The somewheres can almost always be found in the place where they were born whereas the anywheres are global and have a difficulty to agree/conform/match with the somewheres and vice/versa.

What I find interesting is that you cannot say that there is a wrong or right but more just an analysis of the difference of the both. Of course I have my opinion and view of this analysis, but it is coloured by my own background and way of Life. I am definetly not a somewhere and will never be. I am right now in the middle of such a break up or change or whatever…. It is again a move…

Comfort ZONE….

…can be so difficult to move outside, break the chain/routine of comfort. We get very easily accustomed to regularities. It is easy to understand,but for me I just cant find any comfort in this.

I am restless and have a difficulty in what most people consider COMFORT! My comfort in many peoples/friends eyes is maybe discomfort instead.

What is Peace of Mind? For me it is my journey to my final destination with some stops on the way. But I am a sojourner/traveller, passing through, always on the road of Life.

Even when I try to stop, grow roots, settle down be comfortable, create a comfort zone something happens. It is often out of my control and kind of forces me to break with the situation that I thought would be my comfort zone.