Kategoriarkiv: personal reflections

My day to day thoughts!

noninteresting, bland, tedious…

…this is how i feel in general right now…where or what is the goal? somehow it feels like there is ”no direction home”, ”still havent found what I am looking for!”

At nearly 70 years of age I have never or at least a long time ago not felt life so non interesting, bland….like a meaningless path that is without goal. Yes I say often that the meaning is the travel and not the goal…but right now I feel that I am between 2 stations and I dont know when the other station is coming so I can get some rest.

ingriedients…

in Life? What ingrediens is the most important in your Life?

What quality do you Think is the most important to describe your identity?

Identity is a mixture of ingriedients mixed in the blender of Life! We all have something that distinguish YOU, I, ME etc…..

But there is Always a main spice….Sad to say we are very far away from this main ingriedient…LOVE…not love for things, Money, wealth, Power…etc. In the World today there is much love…the love for greed!

Under Construction…

…this is what my Life is…under constant Construction.

You know what they say about Construction sights and put up warning signs….Please keep out…do not enter! …or enter on your own risk!

Well this should be a sign you should Think about when entering Another persons territory/personlity. Because how do you know that person? How can you say that this person I can trust or that person I cannot trust?? Why can anyone make these statements/judgements?

Because they trust in their own Construction/identity/experience/education/judgement…etc! So people tend to Believe that their own identity..etc is flawless!!

Seven…..7….

.. virtues. contra deadly sins!

gluttony

fornication, lust

greed

envy

Wrath

sloth, laziness

envy

pride

virtues!

chastisity

temperance

charity

diligence

patience

kindness

humility

These above mentioned either a virtue or a deadly sin….are truths that have been with man since the dawn of man…but how does evolution explain this? How come they are so true today like they were 1000 of years ago! We have not come so far…so where is the evolution?

I have not seen a more destructive/deloution world as we have today! When you anylyse each word above…what do you get/understand?

my nerves..

..are right now in the schambles…fire…burning like hell! Why does nearly always love send you either to heaven or hell? So it is now! There are several ingriedients when it comes to Love and that is trust, honesty, fidelty etc…otherwise bad feelings like jealousy, suspicion etc can take over.

All of these feelings come in certain measure depending on the person and the situation that have caused what ever has happened. Also the degree as to what has happened.

All of these feelings are expressed very diffently. Some people (often men sadly) have a jealousy that borders to sick actions, often verbal but also physical. I am definetly not that kind of person though I can feel strongly my jealousy sometimes, but never go over the line to violence. I express my jealousy and try to put words to it because mostly what triggers this feeling is because the person that I am in love with does something that ”wake” up my jealousy. And it is not a nice feeling, because it occupies your mind, body and soul and of course TIME! It is hard to concentrate on anything else as well. It is phychological but still it affects your body as well. Your muscles, your actions, planning etc… It can take over totally!!

Just to change the subject and give some thought to something else. Very little in todays education are given to the thoughts and understanding of feelings and how they affect us and so many descions we make are often based on the way we feel and not what we actually know. That is why some people (including myself) make irrational decisions not based on logic, facts, knowledge. I have made quite a few seemingly irrational decisions in my life. Anyway this is what it looked like to any outsider.

let me pass away..(But first i have something to Brag about)…

…in a dream…a song…a spring day, …an autumn day of colous…or even a cold snowy winter day….an ocean wave ..that will take me home…

am i here by chance or choice.??? my parents choice…my chance/luck/blessing/curse/chaos!!

I sit here in my lonely universe…drunk my wine…had my bath…thought my thoughts…tried some new..but still the same…back on number 1 ! why did I ever think I was more than a number 1?…because a number 2 was double from what I was…but who cared…who new…that saw the number !! A number 1 does not mean that I am better than anyone else….I am number 1 to myself..because I answer to myself first of all…I am responsible for my deeds, thoughts, words, decisions…

It is not easy to be number 1…can be very lonely..even depressing at times.

Words

….är constantly exchanged, ideas presented, thoughts pass like express trains…we call it socialise, keep company…

But we still are most of the time alone and even lonely!

And sadly we pay very little attention to the words that are being said. We are like prisoners of our own words, thoughts, ideas…and ”wisdom”, we seldom learn from others in the way that it causes us to change and think another way, another thought, another idea, another concept…

we go home and forget…why?

my emotions…

..feelings, expressions etc is or can be my biggest problem that causes me to hurt people…but this has never been my intention…

Many things I say is from how I feel and are not to hurt or say anything bad about people that have been close to me…I am sorry for this but at the same time this is who I am…

My only excuse is that I am not a coffee friend…or HELLO friend…well yes I am…but this is not my definition of a deep friend…more like a casual friend…

In this way I believe that friendship that many friends have become coffee friends..and we will probably not meet again…this is the feeling I get…

makes me sad…very sad………

Intellectual, intellektualism???

can intelliegens be an -ism? Does it degrade intellekt? IF we make it an -ism! We always or most of the time rely on expertis (by definition -intelligent),,,,radio…TV…newspapers…. media…..refer to experts(intelligent People)to analyse situations.

My point is that there are toooooo many experts called on to analyse a situation. One expert say One thing and another Day something opposite……etc…