home…

..thinking a lot about this lately…will I find HOME again…it is a big word and I am not sure if I will find it again…

I thought I found one…but it was literally taken away from me…by force..

I did not ask for it..did not want it…but still it happened..

many things in my life are not always my choice..some things are taken away from me by ”force” not the way I expected it to happen.

I can clearly see the choices I HAVE MADE and the choices I did not make. Some of the things that happened were not a knife in my heart but a knife in my back. Believe me there is a huge difference.

So HOME…i am in a situation where I know that I am not at Home…and I dont know if the choice I made is going to be Home…but I know by far and many thoughts and contemplations…and depression…where I am now is not Home…and I can not feel at home…it is just not me!

So will my choice now take me to Home? I dont no! But what do I have to loose??

I had a plan…a home…a safe place…and it got taken away from me…so is it a defeat..a lost home..an illusiion…that I thought was home…

Because if it was home and felt like home…and I felt safe….still there was a dagger that hit me in the back..

My only explanation …excuse…trying to understand…destiny has other things in store for me

so am I in control of my life? No I am not….and will probably never be…but on the other hand..

IS ANYONE EVER IN CONTROL OF ONES LIFE…IF SO WHY DO WE ALL DIE!!! so maybe it is time for us to learn to loose control…and get on with it!! Prepare for the real thing!

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