These above mentioned either a virtue or a deadly sin….are truths that have been with man since the dawn of man…but how does evolution explain this? How come they are so true today like they were 1000 of years ago! We have not come so far…so where is the evolution?
I have not seen a more destructive/deloution world as we have today! When you anylyse each word above…what do you get/understand?
these words have somehow followed me in life…for bad or good! it is acutally a song from the 60s by the small faces….
the first time i heard was when i just had a breakup (she brooke up) with my my first great love….my God this was a terryfying experience! more to come…
anyway i choose this title in reference to the big and I mean BIG changes in my life.
Some of these changes I have made myself by choice…but there are some that definetly was not by choice….but both are as the title say All or Nothing…Black or White.
Strangely now these days I am known as a ”neutral” very easy person to get along with…but I have principales…for good and bad!
Let say my greyzone has widened and taught me that life is full of compromises but there comes a time when compromise comes to an end where it comes into an area that defines you who you are…and then the game changes. I have some basic fundamental thoughts, beliefs, that I am willing to stand up for.
..are right now in the schambles…fire…burning like hell! Why does nearly always love send you either to heaven or hell? So it is now! There are several ingriedients when it comes to Love and that is trust, honesty, fidelty etc…otherwise bad feelings like jealousy, suspicion etc can take over.
All of these feelings come in certain measure depending on the person and the situation that have caused what ever has happened. Also the degree as to what has happened.
All of these feelings are expressed very diffently. Some people (often men sadly) have a jealousy that borders to sick actions, often verbal but also physical. I am definetly not that kind of person though I can feel strongly my jealousy sometimes, but never go over the line to violence. I express my jealousy and try to put words to it because mostly what triggers this feeling is because the person that I am in love with does something that ”wake” up my jealousy. And it is not a nice feeling, because it occupies your mind, body and soul and of course TIME! It is hard to concentrate on anything else as well. It is phychological but still it affects your body as well. Your muscles, your actions, planning etc… It can take over totally!!
Just to change the subject and give some thought to something else. Very little in todays education are given to the thoughts and understanding of feelings and how they affect us and so many descions we make are often based on the way we feel and not what we actually know. That is why some people (including myself) make irrational decisions not based on logic, facts, knowledge. I have made quite a few seemingly irrational decisions in my life. Anyway this is what it looked like to any outsider.
…in a dream…a song…a spring day, …an autumn day of colous…or even a cold snowy winter day….an ocean wave ..that will take me home…
am i here by chance or choice.??? my parents choice…my chance/luck/blessing/curse/chaos!!
I sit here in my lonely universe…drunk my wine…had my bath…thought my thoughts…tried some new..but still the same…back on number 1 ! why did I ever think I was more than a number 1?…because a number 2 was double from what I was…but who cared…who new…that saw the number !! A number 1 does not mean that I am better than anyone else….I am number 1 to myself..because I answer to myself first of all…I am responsible for my deeds, thoughts, words, decisions…
It is not easy to be number 1…can be very lonely..even depressing at times.
….är constantly exchanged, ideas presented, thoughts pass like express trains…we call it socialise, keep company…
But we still are most of the time alone and even lonely!
And sadly we pay very little attention to the words that are being said. We are like prisoners of our own words, thoughts, ideas…and ”wisdom”, we seldom learn from others in the way that it causes us to change and think another way, another thought, another idea, another concept…
..feelings, expressions etc is or can be my biggest problem that causes me to hurt people…but this has never been my intention…
Many things I say is from how I feel and are not to hurt or say anything bad about people that have been close to me…I am sorry for this but at the same time this is who I am…
My only excuse is that I am not a coffee friend…or HELLO friend…well yes I am…but this is not my definition of a deep friend…more like a casual friend…
In this way I believe that friendship that many friends have become coffee friends..and we will probably not meet again…this is the feeling I get…
can intelliegens be an -ism? Does it degrade intellekt? IF we make it an -ism! We always or most of the time rely on expertis (by definition -intelligent),,,,radio…TV…newspapers…. media…..refer to experts(intelligent People)to analyse situations.
My point is that there are toooooo many experts called on to analyse a situation. One expert say One thing and another Day something opposite……etc…
is my dear friend in Taganga (Santa Marta, Colombia).
He is a street musician from Peru that has lived his day by day life in Taganga for many years. Every time I come to Colombia I go to meet him and invite him for lunch or whatever. He has lived literally on the street/beach for many years.
One time a few years ago (2019) I decided to document his life and made a video of him in 2 parts. The first part he talked about his life and sang a few songs. The 2nd part I asked him to talk about his philosophy in life and also this with some songs. See below the links published on youtube.
Part 2….Philosophy
This is the kind of man that are famous in my life and never rises to stardom…but is likewise a bright shining star…who needs fame and riches when you have a kind, humble, emphatic personality….I love this man and admire him….I wish him everything…and I am proud to have known him in my life.
i find myself imitating the person I am in care to care for…the so called down syndrome try to understand the death of someone close…even a boyfriend…just to make it more concrete.
a person with down syndrome…a wonderful person with more qualities in life than me.. had a boyfriend that she loved and talked about in the most loving ways…She loved him in so many ways and yet we ”normal” ignore or her ways of handling her sadness/sorrow. The sadness is that we try to define sorrow of a lost one in these so called disfunctional peoples life. For me it is on the contarary ..they have a right to their way of expressing sorrow of someone they lost. I so dislike when we because of the so called disabiliity brush away their right of expreissing sorrow.. I believe we can learn from these so called disability syndroms…because we so called normal have disability….when someone passes on.
for me it is the biggest mystery how we are as a race..humans..and we cannot find a way to be humans..how in the world can we come to a common denominator..
I have tried to understand and analyze what always complicate this way of uniting us and there are many…language, culture, history, colour etc…thoose are things that are easy to understand and also easily explained. What is more difficult to explain is why people that have common language, culture, history etc…still have a problem to agree and understand. Even within families that are the closest of structures..there can be big conflicts and differences. This really troubles me..as a human! Why!
What troubles me on both the macro level and micro level is that it is
happening on both levels. The strange thing is that the direction is
set..because on the macro level…world politics/economics the world is set on course of many conflicts meaning war to the point that the global warming will come in the backwater. We have more crisis in the world more urgent than the climate crisis. On the macro level/the world…we are on the way to a polarisation not ever known before. And it is a self destructive developement. This is human race on the macro level.
On the micro level/my life…I have to come to understanding how difficult I am..especially now and the situation I am in now. So I can blame the situation. To understand it is important to know that I am not feeling so good right now. I am in a transitional phase. The phase I have been in is not a good phase. I moved to this small place away from a situation that was too much for me. Running away? No! I had enough of this place which was my old town…my place of birth.
my God this is such a big subject…I dont know how to finish it right now!
I realise that there are toooo many parameters to finish it in just a few
sentences….especially on the micro level. I feel like I might look like a
confused person to many people I meet. Maybe because many of my meetings right now are very incoherent/spontaneous…not making sense…trying to say too many things in few sentences…i am out of practice…probably confuse people…they tend to distance themselfes from me…
My need for social contact can appear/seem somewhat intense…and so when I get rejected…not because of my what I say but because of my intensity in how I say it. In a way this fits into my analyse of human
relation/connections/meetings on the micro level.
Intensity in the way we communicate can be a disturbance on the receiving end of the communication. My way of intensity I feel is sometimes my weakness..why people distance themselfes from me…But still this is I!!
So am I at fault in this trying to be a mentor of humans…or a mismatch?
Can I contribute to the human race or am I just a fly on the wall …a crazy
thought among another 1.000.000 thoughts and maybe billions. Because on the micro level there are soooo many thoughts and differences… maybe even more than on the Macro level ….
