—and I just finished a bottle of a good red wine and top it off with an lpa beer!

Came home after almost 3 Days of work….at 23 at night…so where does my day or night begin? When is my breakfast…lunch or supper? Or when is my wine or beer? when do i go to sleep? or when will i Wake up tomorrow(which is already today)…do I have a plan? or a Schedule…?

NOOO….so if there is no plan…no Schedule for tomorrow(already today)….do I have to Wake up or just make the day pass….into the day that comes after tomorrow…..which will be just Another day without a plan or Schedule…..

so then I can just let every day pass by….and wait for the tomorrow when it will happen…that did not happen today!

fragmentize, sever, split up

In a way all these words fit in what I am about to write. When I heard the word ”Break Up” on the radio today it hit me that my life are so full of break ups and sometimes break downs!

It is kind of weaved into my life story ”Colombia and the story of my life!”

Some breakups are by choice and others are involontary out of your own control. These last ones are definetly the hardest and most difficult to get through. They cause deep wounds and leave permanent scars..Some deeper and more visible, although invisible, they are like a tatoo. At least they feel like it! So I fint need any tattos!!! I have plenty of them!

I will try to find the time to account for them later on in this article/reflection.

is more than a disease…it has become a moral and ethic problem. How? Because a lot of these restrictions appeals peoples own responsibility…

keep distance…stay home if you snifle…no more than 10 people…dont take public transportation….

but all of these above are just/only recomendations….and apply to people own moral, ethic and also empathy….Sad to say this is where there are big differences….because today are these things mentioned a very very individual assesment. My interpretation of moral, ethics and emphaty are not yours.

In todays society there are so many different interpretaions of these above mentioned. This is why they are so hard to live up to. We dont have a standard anymore for what is moral and ethics?

Before we were a christian society but now we are a mix up and mish/mash of everything where everyone has their own interpretion of what is moral and ethics. So surpise….and welcome to the society of individual morals and ethics…freedom?? that is the question?

Is this one of the reasons that Sweden has such terrible rates when it comes to psychiatric and psychological problems? Where did we go wrong? And it is getting worse….wait until the covid 19 is ”over” if it ever will?

…it is so amazing to think and expect that the human race has evovled and come to a higher level of understanding…wisdom! have learned from history…the mistakes…the pitfalls….history…

Yet today we are on the same way of destruction…most of all people with no insight, understanding or wisdom to see the big picture (by the way I am in no way THE big understanding of the BIG picture!) I just know it is out there somewhere, at least I hope!

Anyway my aspiration is to constantly reach out for the bigger picture…bigger than me…there is an understanding/wisdom beyond mine! I have found this in the small things of every day life as well when I am dealing and struggling with my own battles of so called wisdom/knowledge. As long as I realise/understand this, my journey is never ended…because there are no frontiers or borders when it comes to comprehend or understand something or anything.

What is important is that your approach is objective/neutral….I am just an object in the bigger picture….together with other ”objects” trying to evaluate a problem or ….

anyway in my above defense….I have never seen more stupid..ignorant..uneducated…people as of today….It is just stupidifating! In my world…I just cant understand how the mass of population act/react to some of todays issues!!!

…has Always been to me a balancing question…because there are so many factors involved….I have an opinion of you…you have an opinion of me…you think that you know me…I think I know you…. I make a my preconceived ideas who you are and you make the same of me etc.

The problem in alllll of these self constructed analysis/selfmade constructions/ideas, you think that it is so/and I think that it is so! And then you share these ideas/opinions with others like it is some kind of truth…of this person and guess what..I do the same.

I am the first to confess to fall into this trap…and I do it allll the time. Sometimes out of convinence…it it better to shut up then to ”put your foot in the mouth” and sometimes because I honestly think it is so, because the person that have these ideas/opinion is a friend (not a close friend, which is a difference)…that make me go along and sometimes I dont know why?? Ask yourself how many times you are in this situation.

I have a concrete example…at work I am a professional that actually are not allowed to voice your personal opinion and you are subject to a professional identity! So what happens? Sometimes the person…that are a client/patient etc..has strong opinions about something that is completly against your own beliefs and principales! Can you voice them? No you cannot!

But I still consider myself an asset..and not a liability! Sometimes in Life you have to balance your account/life and come to some sort of conclusion. Of course you can add your liabilities (which I have plenty) but where does thoose get you? When you are at my age it is time to add your assets…where did I go right..made the right descions…the right turns…! And I think with allll the wrong I made some things right!

So yes I think of myself an asset to life…how about you?

The best asset in life is to be able to say ” You were right and I was wrong..” then you are still a person that are alive!

With the ongoing developements in the world it looks like we are going into what looks like a ”new” dark age like the 15 and 16th Century dark ages. It is scary that we dont learn from history and how we can repeat history without seeing the obvious signs. So what are the signs? First of all the ongoing pandemic that we are going through is like the pandemic that killed so many people in thoose days…and it went on for years…killing thousands of people.

Another sign…the ongoing financial crisis with pan economical consequenses that in its own way are a crisis. Why it is so dangerous is that it involves the 2 strongest economies in the World right now…USA and China. They are both fighting for World domination as a global currency. So far just about every trade…every Exchange..every transfer has had its base in the dollar. The dollar has been the currency that have enabled the World trade we have today. Of course there are are other like the euro and the English Pound but they are not even near the dollar as a trade currency.

So now the Chinese see a possibility to become that standard currency…and they are aggresivly moving their positions forward. How can they do that? Quite easy…how many companies have their manufacturing in China right now? How many things that we buy today says ”Made in China”, maybe in small letters but nevertheless it is made in China. In this way the western World have made themselfes dependent on China…without knowing the consequenses. Sometimes cheap can be very expensive! And now China is starting to send the bill in form of that we did not expect. Look what they are doing to Hong-Kong with the new security bill. Dark ages! And they are buying up properties all over the World, investing in countries infra structures, taking over companies etc etc.

Then there are other signs/factors to the equation and that is the rising of despots…Putin, Erdogan, Bolzonaro, Orban, Duterte, Trump, Duque, Lukasjenko, Hassad to mention a few…countries on the way..Poland, Bulgaria, Romania, Malta, Egypt, Zimbabve, Saudi Arabia and the whole arabian penisula, Iran, Burma, Thailand, Uganda…the list can be extended.

The idea is that we are now living in the 21st Century?? The enlightened generation…the know-it-all generation… or are we living in the 16th century mentality?

What upsets me most is that many of thoose mentioned above are elected to their posts and this mean what? Voted to Power by the people! Democracy has voted its own downfall! Amazing! We humans are so contradictory….! In a way we are a flock ”animal” and can easily become one…and just look at Trumps US how he have created the flock mentality….But the down side of flock mentality is that everything is black OR white (not racial colours), we or them, it you are not for me, you are against me mentality …polarisation, populism..etc.

And the rest you can find in reset history how Hitler came to power and the consequnses of this…the problem today is that we have many potential Hitlers in the World now!

So prepare for the Dark Ages of the 21st Century!

we have found a vaccin against covid 19?? and then he goes out to brag about how his own daughter got vaccinated??? who is she? and if it was so safe…why did not he take the vaccination, because he is in the riskgroup?? did he really think or Believe the World would buy this? maybe his own fellow country men/because the state own the media..but the rest of the World…I dont think so! When you are a despot (like so many worldleaders today), and by definition Putin is a despot today! So when a despot comes with such a claim…WE HAVE THE VACCINATION AGAINST COVID 19 AND MY DAUGHTER IS VACCINATED!!HALLLLLLUJAH! I think this hallelujah gets stuck in the throat. When a despot delivers a message like this to the World….nobody is going to take it seriously….even if it is true!

would I take the vaccin….nope..no way! stuff it up Putins ass and see what happens.

the sad thing is the despot never see himself (seldom herself) in this light…I cant understand how they dont know that history will Catch up with them…because even a despot is mortal.

…is really a sad, selfpity, poor me…who cares…why? I have been writing these pages and everything for years….but who cares? can be counted on my 5 fingers..amazing…when you think you have something worthwhile to say, write, share…it is really nothing!

So is it nothing? well obviosly not, because otherwise these words would not be here….so why do I consider them NOT NOTHING?

The ironic beginning is a little poooooor me, but really it is not! Why? Well I started writing this whole Blogg not to proclaim myself…promote myself or anything else. I just wanted a channel to unload what is on my mind instead of writing on facebook or other social media.

Well I have to admit that a little attention does not hurt to boost the selfesteem. Maybe people are reading but not commenting? I dont know! Anyway I like the anonymous way of life. As I wrote before..it is not for me but for my children I write this, because somehow after my passing away maybe they would like to know more about me and who I was.

I started to discover this about my parents while they were still alive and got to learn some stories about their life. I am so glad for this, because in some ways it helps me understand who I am.

So I started this to help them in the future…when they get old…sit down and read this and maybe understand why they are the way they are. And expecially why I was the way I was.

..are all kind of definitions for our use to help us using words to give life meaning. In essence they are just words that are trying to express a deeper more profound sentiment! Hmm…. sentiment another interesting word! I found one definition that came close ”an idea colored by emotion” beautiful! Cant get enough of this definition/explanation.

But back to the initial title…I really dont know if I am only one of three? I am more likely all! If I come into a conversation revovling around existensialism I can go around this without involving religion (though I find it Hard) because my basic belief and respect is that everyone are entitled to their own belief/faith/opinion. I try to as long as it does not conflict with some of my basic fundamental beliefs of every humans right of existense regardless of colour , belief, creed, language, culture……..

People that cannot accept these basic fundamental Rights (above mentioned) are hardly worth my time.

.how close the truth is to a lie? is a lie sometimes better than the truth? and in this case? how?

we always almost declassify the lie! Why? We use it daily in our Lifes…it is scientificily proven! So why does a LIE put us in an awkward/discomfortalble postion!

So on the other counterpart we have the TRUTH or is it a LIE?

Of course in the best of Worlds the TRUTH wins over the poor lie!

I am using the lie as a way to not say the whole truth often…and sometimes I dont know if it really is a lie? I have a friend that I dont trust 100% or feel that we have not come so far in our friendship where I feel that I am comfortable to tell him/her everything. So the lie is or not saying everything is my way of avoiding the whole truth. I dont feel bad about this and I know very well that I use the lie to cover up the truth. In my defense I must say it is not in very important matters but in some everyday things.

My defense is ”it is not his business” to know everything what is going on in my life,,,so the lie is comfortable instead of not saying anything. Sometimes I avoid answering the questions…is this a lie? In a way, because if you conciously avoid the answer that you know and slide away on a sidetrack….is this a lie?

I just think as a defense of the lie it is not so bad like everybody tries to make it sound. In my eyes I am also protecting him/her from hearing the truth which might be too much at the moment.

These are lies on a everyday basis and of course not when the lie becomes a tool to gain power over other people….like Hitler did and many of todays world leaders…this is using the lie to manipulate people to your idea….and the world is full of them today…manipulative leaders.

and one more thing…I am not a perpetual lier and think that I go around lying all the time…I am still a lover of the truth….but there was somebody that once said….”the truth? you are not strong enough to handle the TRUTH so shut up!”