…can be of many kind…I think that I have written about this before but I just thought about it today and maybe why I am the way I am..

so friends….

close friends are right now very few if any in my life right now..because of the way I define a close friend…it is a person that I can rely on and say what is on my heart…ventilate my thoughts…feelings…ideas…problems… yes everything without thinking it would fire back at me (like non close friend did)….the worst kind of hurt …close to betrayal..

some of my close friends have become friends..and how do you go from close friend to just friend..well it is easy…distance..no heartful conversations…just coffee talk…a brief meeting..and no more. When i ask for more..they are tired or dont have time….so i distance myself…dont want to bother or be in the way…and so they go from close friends to just friend…this is ok also..because we are not enemies. But still it is a separation.

I always seem to ask for more and sometimes too much maybe…but i also ask much of myself…I try to look forward to new things…and not look at only the old things to find new things…but new horizons…

i will be buried at the horizon and not in a past memory…

lord knows how i became this kind of person…because i dont know…still trying to figure it out! peace of mind…is my hope and belief…but how, when and where?

and friends…keep contact…especially close friends…even when you dont feel like it…i tried…but i guess i was tooo much…

i have become the ”friend” that when people see my coming down the street they turn right or left to not meet me…i have become a paraia!