rewards….

…in my life I have many rewards and the sum of it is that I couldn´t be more rewarded, if you know what I mean. There are so much that fills my cup that like the Bible says ”my cup runneth over”! I really cannot describe it in any other way.

When a man like me, 67 going on 90, can look back and can still look forward is an amazing life. Looking back…wow and I can say of days to come WOW! Why, because if you have read anything that I have written you know that my past is not something that ordinary people have lived.

But I had another aspect, sort of reflection tonight as I sit here and write this. It is not negative or depressive but still somewhat DARK!! I could go to bed tonight…whenever I wanted to…but the real sum of life…I can or dont want to get up tomorrow…..it is kind of the dark side of me…Imagine if I could decide or choose….

TONIGHT I PASS ON……….but it is never with regrets but with my rewards in life….

Somewheres Or anywheres..

…is an interesting book that defines two kind of people. A rough but interesting generalisation.

The somewheres can almost always be found in the place where they were born whereas the anywheres are global and have a difficulty to agree/conform/match with the somewheres and vice/versa.

What I find interesting is that you cannot say that there is a wrong or right but more just an analysis of the difference of the both. Of course I have my opinion and view of this analysis, but it is coloured by my own background and way of Life. I am definetly not a somewhere and will never be. I am right now in the middle of such a break up or change or whatever…. It is again a move…

Comfort ZONE….

…can be so difficult to move outside, break the chain/routine of comfort. We get very easily accustomed to regularities. It is easy to understand,but for me I just cant find any comfort in this.

I am restless and have a difficulty in what most people consider COMFORT! My comfort in many peoples/friends eyes is maybe discomfort instead.

What is Peace of Mind? For me it is my journey to my final destination with some stops on the way. But I am a sojourner/traveller, passing through, always on the road of Life.

Even when I try to stop, grow roots, settle down be comfortable, create a comfort zone something happens. It is often out of my control and kind of forces me to break with the situation that I thought would be my comfort zone.

When you REALISE…

…that you are the next one to go! I was once a young man thinking that being immortal was part of the deal/package. Beacause there was so many before me that had to die……grandmother, grandfather, uncles, aunts, parents etc. And I thought of myself as someone way down the line and thoughts like this was the furthest away from me.

But suddenly the grandparents where gone and buried, but there were still plenty of aunts and uncles and of course my parents. But as time went on even they became mortals and died.

Now the conclusion is that it is my turn. The tables have turned and time has caught up with me as well. The immortal teenager. Suddenly I am the grandfather and next in turn.

Life is so definite!

friendships…

different levels and how they can change. I feel very much that friendship can be defined in many ways. I could use numbers, where a friend number 1 is the best and 10 the not so best(still friend) or I could use colours where red is the hot and blue the cold….or metals, gold is very good friend, silver a lesser friend, copper, iron, brass etc.

Why this? Because just because a person is a number 10 does not mean he/she is an enemy. I just have to learn how to act when I am with these different categories.

To be a number 1 friend with me is not easy to achieve. Sad to say that just now there is no one in this category. I had some but they have slipped down to 3 maybe 4. Suddenly they have become acquaintances and have lost that special dimension.

As it is now my closest is my children and grandchildren. They are always number 1 and can never slip outside this.

I have another description of friendship and it is circular where the core the innermost circle belongs first to my children and maybe some friend but even this takes a lot of trust and mutual trust. I have to trust them and they have to trust me and also we give each other priority. In the2nd circle so to say I have some but even here I am careful. And in the 3rd you can have social acquaintances and even some work collegues.

Can write a lot about this but for right now I feel a little sad because of a former number 1 friend that now is nr 3 friend.

Feelings..

is definetly a big problem or from another view the best that could happen to you/oneself. Depending on what side you are.

There is a saying that what is one mans bread is the other mans poison. The one sees the view the other see the abyss.

I am not neccersarily a pessimist but more of an optimist, sometimes also a realist. Try to reason and objectify a problem or identify or rationalise in order to keep the problem /situation on armslength, figuratively speaking.

This is a strategy so it doesnt get to my feelings. Feelings are subjective and very seldom objective. This is why feelings can be such a trap for many People.

We can…

and will relate differently how we react in different situations and also under different conditions. In this I want to use 4 different Words as to how we generally react when we are suddenly confronted to something. 1. Externalise. 2. Internalise. 3.Rationalise. 4 Objectify.

a very wise advice…

this morning while listening to the radio I heard someone say something that immedietly went straight to my brain and heart. It was an african musican/artist that have an exhibition in Sweden right now. When he was interviewed the journalist asked what he wanted with this exhibition, did he have a message etc.

He so so wisely answered that ”I merely want to provide a place for thought”!

It is so true and it just struck me that this is what I would like to think about myself also ” a provider for thought/contemplation”. I know from experience that trying to convince people of ideas, lifestyle, religion etc is a futile project but to be a provider for thought/contemeplation sounds so much more effective and wise.

It kind of confirms one saying that I learned a long time ago……

A person convinced against his/her own will is of the same opinion still.

So be a thought provider and let people think for themselfes….they will anyway. But this helped me to be more relaxed and be more soft about my opinions.