Imposing…or intruding/enforcing?

..oneself! I am imposing/enforcing an experiment on myself?? What does it mean? Is it dramatic? Or is it just a simple confirmation on who I am or in what way I am looked upon, even how I look at myself/ME! The social, happy person making contacts with just about anyone without problems! Often initiating the contact! And this is also with my friends! Or?? Sometimes I feel it is toooooo much of a one way contact/communication!! I often write them a sms or email or phonecall!! ”Go for a beer/coffee?” seldom being the one being called upon! Not that they decline or say NO! But sometimes maybe I am IMPOSING! Because if they have something else they dont have any problems cancel the meeting even if it was decided upon, like you cancel the appointment with your dentist, doctor, hairdresser….! ”Sorry, Torbjörn, something came up! See you next time!”

And I want to say ”Sorry for imposing on your time! Sorry for asking to ask to meet! Take a beer or coffe! I understand you have more important things in life to attend to!”

I have no problems with being a loner, taking a beer or coffee by myself! But I also enjoy company friendship, but not at any cost!

Sometimes this is why I feel like I am an imposer(not imposter!) intruding in peoples lifes. Oblige them to see me/ meet me , but me most of the time initiating the contact like I wrote before!

So my experiment is! Will I ”celebrate” New Years Eve by myself? Because I am not going to ” impose” ask ” Hello! What are you doing? New Years Eve?” because one friend already said that ”something came up!” after we had decided to celebrate!

And I am not going to impose/ask anyone! Just curious if anybody will ask/invite me!

 

The welfare monster…

has turned on us and made us hostages! The welfare system was created and thought to be of service to  people in need!  A system that was built out of respect, honesty, emphaty and consideration for the less fortunate. Thinking that it would be treated with respect from the less fortunate! A mutual respect for the welfare system!

But things have changed and now it has turned out to be on collision course with its citizens. Nearly everyone today that gets in touch and are in need of the welfare is treated with suspicion and questioned as to ”why are you in need of welfare?” Making the seeker of welfare feel like a criminal!

To be continued…….

The welfare that was created, made to serve and protect has become a Monster turned against its citizens!

Death….

….is often a more cruel and  unnecessary painful Master! Why? The road and journey to death is often more painful than what is adequate! If Death would be summoned to a court of justice It would definetly be sentenced and condemned to a long confinement for Its unjust and cruel behavaior! Why ?

We have enough agony, fear, problem just facing this ultimate sentence! No, but Death is not content/satisfied with having this defining role. Being the Ruler/Master/the Grim Reaper among many titles and credits!

No Death wants more! The road to death is often lined with a lot of pain, suffering, sickness, torture, fear and more! Why??? when ones life is definetly closing in for that final closure/the last breath, Death prolongs it in a undefined lenght of time!

When you have this unquestionable power , ”why add insult to injury” so to say!

My wish for Death is to say Goodbye ! Take the last breath and just pass away! No sickness as a burden on my loved ones or society! No prolonged agony for both myself or loved ones! Within other species / animals this is perfectly accepted!

Why cant Death be content with this? Maybe Death would get a better reputation as to what it has today! Because I feel and think that mankind in general would embrace Death more like a part of life instead of trying to ignore and not take it as a part of life and death! Love Death, dont fear it!

And please dont cheat Death by taking your life!! This is not my point ! Please! I just want to give Death a better reputation if possible! Death is an essential part of Life but with a bad reputation, this is the big difference!

We are and Never will be Immortals! So deal with it! Because you cannot ignore Death!

Emotional lake…of Either success or disaster?

Sometimes when i am feeling melancholy and dive into the emotional lake of my life,,,,I feel like I am drowning and got to swim (sometimes like crazy) to keep my head/mind above waters. It is a challenge that easily can lead to depression or even psychosis…! People that dont have a distance/understanding as to what feelings/emotions are, are in the danger zone for psychic/mental diseases! Know how to swim in other words!

If you go to the origin the cause of how physchological disorder become such a complicated disease to cure/rehabilite, there is a chance/ a possibility to intervene before it goes to far !

To cure/or prevent which is not only better but I believe is the only ”cure”! Once you have been diagonosed with this ” disease” , you will most likely be a ”victim”, ” prisoner” to this psychological sickness/disease/illness/disorder! It is often a lifelong relationship!

Is my personality/character my prison/destiny

Why am I the way I am? Do I like it? And if so why cant I do something about it? Sometimes I feel and experience that my personality is my enemy! It does things and say things that sometimes only causes me trouble and pain! Not that I intentionally hurt somebody or want to inflict pain! I dont mean in a physical way but more in a verbal way! I could never hurt somebody physically unless somebody would hurt or do harm to my children or grandchildren! And yes if I see some bullies harrassing or hurting a weaker person!

But these are the positive sides of my personality, maybe?

Regardless of the above mentioned I still feel in general that our personalities/charachter is our prison! So make the best out of it! I sometimes see the world around me like a circus! Why? Because in a circus we allow the not-conforming personalities/characters! The people that are not like you and me !

But is it really like this? Sometimes when I sit on a bench in the town square and watch ALL these people passing by! All these different people passing me by, this is a circus a performance to me! Not in a negative way, on the contrary! You learn to see the ”colour” the identity/personality/character in each individual! And I do this with respect ! Because I myself think myself a particapant of the circus! And maybe somebody is watching me and seeing me as a clown in their ”circus”?!

 

racism…

i think i have figured out what rascism is! It is a disease, a defect in the mind, a psychic/mental disorder that can be cured if patiently handled. Of course there are some that are so affected/infected by it, so I call it that they have a mental block disorder and this kind is almost impossible to cure and is the most dangerous kind as well. This kind easily resorts to violence as a way of communicating their ideas and message, They have a total lack of vocabulary and have no intelligence to keep up a logical conversation/communication. So they resort to violence as a way of expressing themselfes.

Why use the word  ”disease”, such a strong word? Well we all have the right to life regardless of nationality, colour, religion, creed, background, economic status etc. We all have the right for respect and to be respected as a basic fundamental right. I agree that some people, organisations dont really live up to this and then make themselfes excluded of such respect in return.

What I am aiming for is that today we have such a low quality debate/communication/conversation that to me is so dangerous and as dangerous as the enviromental disaster we are heading for.

Crazy!

To be able to write and express your feelings/thoughts//ideas is a privileged only favoured/enjoyed by very few! To question and have a contrary opinion is often considered radical and dangerous! My conclusion is that the definition of extremimism/radical behaivour is difficult if not impossible to discover and predict!

And Yes I fear that the only thing that is going to listen to me soon is the sound of the pen writing on a white sheet of paper….