having the ass glued to the wagon…

……that drives you around in life without you having a clue or idea or maybe you dont care who is in control!

We can go through life and steal it and then look back and regret life! Wishing we had done things differently..when we  knew all the time that we we were just living a substitute life while life, the life we should have lived, passed us by. Sure we see other people that succed in changing their lifes but how and why? There are certain events in our lifes the makes us more inclined to change, when we not only talk about change!

Catastrophe..out of the ashes of the old comes the new…but in the moment it happens it is chaos

Grief..when someone close to you, someone you love passes away..same here..out of the black mourning slowly the rainbow will come

Economical crisis…unemployment, accident etc…here is our charachter truly tested and make change possible

Illness…to realise that I will never be well again!

But let me go back/reverse a little..this thing how we see ourselfes and others..we and them! We all (i presume this!) have in our acquaintance someone that have gone through some kind of change, crisis, chaos etc. How did this happen? Ask them how they cooped with it and how they dealt and came through it. What thoughts did they have when in crisis, what decisions did they make, what did they decide to change and WHY?

Why I am so obsessed with this subject is because I meet people both in my work, social life and when I travel that are not satisfied/happy about their lifes and present situation. WHY? Why dont they do something about it? I view them as being ”thiefes of life” ..and go through life without grab a hold of life! They are just using/abusing life and then when it is over and they die/pass on, they die as one big questionmark…

A story told from the French Legion that were stationed in North Africa made me wake up a little. Many young men joined this anonymous army to find excitement or escape from the western lifestyle. A soldier retold this story that when one of his comrades got shot and fataly wounded in a battle..he got to see him die in his arms and was the last person to see him alive..he looked deep into the dying soldiers eyes and saw something that woke him up and gave him a different look on life and made him take a hold of his own life. What he saw was not the fear of dying or the pain of the wound or sadness but it was just an empty gaze starring with one big question ”Why did I ever live?”

This is what scares me ….and keep me alive and living!

Not to complicate things and make myself to a depressed loner that lives like a hermit, hiding in the woods from everything and everybody..No that is not me! And not trying to live an ascetical monk life as that should be the answer, compensation for happiness. Maybe for someone else but not for me!

This is the core, the essence to it all ”What do I want from life?” Not just talk about it and wait for things to happen….what do I do, so my ass does not get glued to the wagon so somebody else drive me around and I cant get away…does it take a lifecrisis..a chaos…a chatastrophe?

My small philosophy as a young 64 year old is how to learn to appreciate my age and not looking back or yearn  for times gone by (I get a little nostaglic sometime, I am still human!), but I have found a way to say YES to my age, my sunset! Before 40 it is sunrise, pretty boring and not so colourful as a sunset! The sunset with all its colours is where you take all these experiences and start living with them and make use of them. Experience is a treasure not a luggage to be put away, it should take you to new levels, new destinations, new experiences! In short, LIVING!

The definition of who I am is more clear today then when I was a confused not yet 40 year old!




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